Today was better...

Today i tried not to stress, last night I was experiencing bad cramps and all I keep thinking was MC,MC,MC. I tried not to let it bother me so I got as comfortable as I could, prayed and finally fell asleep. Not having an idea that your pregnant and knowing your pregnant makes me act different and see and feel things only a over dramatic pregnant woman would feel. With my son i never thought about it so I found out when I was 6 weeks when I realize AF didn't come the past month, I remember thinking,"ok well I should start this week" then the end of the week I grab protection just n case AF came while at the movies, the next week i saw it in my purse and thought "was I wrong" i went to my calender and my eyes got big, then it was umm..ok then i guess I'll go check. One of the longest and happiest moments when the nurse said ok, well your pregnant. If only all my pregnancies could go as smoothly as my son's pregnancy. Now I know I am and I can't be happy just yet, Im more cautious. i look at my tummy and I swear I see a bump but then I think no I've always looked like that, lol. It feels almost heaver, but probably just bloated. I can feel it already, Im excited inside but nervous, I can't talk to DH about it because I'm to emotional for him and he's like "well your setting yourself up for disappointment bcuz if this baby doesn't make it you'll b acting as if you just lost an unborn full term baby". But that's what it sort of feels like I'm not upset for what he thinks I'm upset because this was a human life forming and not just any human, my baby, our baby, his heart was beating, organs were forming, hair,nails, eyes.. a tiny little part of us was there... and then poof no more beating heart, no more growing, no more life, its very heartbreaking. So I know what to expect it's just hard to go through, but the only good news I have to look forward to is if this baby does make, It was worth going through it even though I didn't know if the day would ever come that we met under expected delivery time.