Hoping for the best

So I got my bright BFP in Aug. I wasn't expecting it due to not worrying about it but of course not using protection either due to wanting to have a baby. Their was alot going on for the weekends. All this events were for a friend, First a adult b-day party 1st Sat, 2nd Sat bachelor party and the girls stayed home to drink. 3rd Sat bachelorette party and 4th Sat was wedding but found out I was pregnant before that Sat came around. My friends got married, we all had a fun weekend month and I got pregnant. I usually have early M/C in sections, first is within the 5 wks which I made it through and the 2nd is between 7wks to 10weeks which Im working on and the less likely one frm 10 wks to 13weeks which Im hoping to make it though, once I pass that 13 week mark I can finally be happy and officially pregnant! Because my fibroids place my uterus at 3months big plus baby I'll be showing a little sooner than usual at 7 weeks I can see a baby bump. So I knw it'll just get bigger as baby grows I'll provide pics so you can see what Im talking about. I have my first u/s and appt on Thurs so I'll let you know how that goes. Im hoping for twins just to not have to worry about pregnancy ever again and my doctor can be assured not to see me ever again. So Im hoping everything goes well and this baby grows and makes it healthy. Pray for me. Im a pregnacy risk and Im praying everything turns out good. KMFC for a healthy baby for April! Im due May 4 but will have in April due to schedule c-sec. Wish me luck and will keep an update for later.

Confused

When Sunday came and went with no AF i thought Yay this could be good news but after mon and tues testing with a negative result now im confused, i counted and counted 29 days excatly have passed and shes never been late without being positive on my test....I understand that every pregnancy is different and my body is different frm before but if this is early menopause or something im gonna flip out. Im 35 i should still have time! i guess nothing to do but wait to see what happenes first ...AF or BFP...i prefer baby news.

Miscarriage #8

Everything was fine so I went shopping and while tryin on clothes I felt a small gush so I left to chk n the bathroom and sure enough had a small amt of blood. I thought ok not to panic theres only a lil and theres no cramping so im ok. I continue to try on clothes and left to eat came home cleaned the room and sat to watch t.v... there was no more bleeding. Then out of no where more blood and then cramping. I was sad, I knew what was happening and I just sat there I had already placed a pad just in case so I went to take an ibuprofen and sat back dwn. I told DH what happened and he just looked dwn and didnt say anything. Later he said its ok we knw this was a risk so will just try again and gv me a hug, and I finally cried. I hurts so much that I cant carry a baby to term. I looked into maybe shrinking the fibroids myself and I basiclly hv to go on a diet. I hv to stop eating certain foods and mk diffrent choices so Im gonna try it and see if maybe it makes a diffrence on the fibroids and see if maybe baby is able to survive better. I just figure these fibroids are taking all the blood supply and baby might even be tryin to attach to one instead of the lining I dont know I just knw I hv to try something diffrent.

Little Steps

I decided I'm gonna try and pretend I'm not pregnant, lol. I'm gonna go through out my day as if nothings changed, keep my appts and set alarms on my phone for certain milestones just to remind me that as of now there is a baby. My days are going by to slow and I figured if I keep myself or better yet my mind busy then my 12 weeks should fly by, then 14 & 16 & 18... If I mk it this far and everything is still normal then I will be 50% happy and 50% done. The rest of the time I will feel a whole lot better and hv more faith that this pregnancy will be successful. 1st goal is to mk it till Mon, I hv an appt then, so weekend then appt. Little steps is the key to no worries.

Pregnancy Scare

I am so scared of mc'ing this pregnancy. I'm so early, I don't even feel pregnant, only 2 signs are not that much sore boobs and my test that I keep looking at to see if its real. I'm thinking about testing again just to mk sure...I'm all set up for my first OB appt in 2 weeks but I'm not sure I'll even mk it. Yesterday I was busy in the street and by the time I came home I was tired, my body was tired, I felt these short Sharp pinches where baby is and I got really nervous. I just don't want to think about it any more, especially if these thoughts are gonna drive me crazy, I'm gonna look into some relaxation techniques cuz I can feel my blood pressure going up. I'm nervous but my passed mc were most likely caused by a chromosome defect or genetic disorder so if this baby is strong enough to mk it with no problems then I shouldn't b nervous, if there is a problem then my body will reject an embryo that's not gonna mk it so this will turn out the way it should. i'll be praying for a healthy pregnancy and baby. If not there's always next time...

FINALLY BFP!!

This is what I got Fri, April 20 on my moms Bday. Its also the day my AF was due, I thought for sure I'd get it by night fall but it never came. My husbands celebrating his Bday on May 26 and I had been working out to fit into my dress cuz its not stretchable but when AF didnt show I thought I might need to stop. Then I got this pic this morning,(Sunday, April 22)

Which means not only no more jumping around but no more drinking including May 26 which was going to be celebrated at a VIP section at a downtown club. You know what, if this baby makes it out good and healthy it would all be worth the sacrifice of this one night cuz yes I am a drinker and not a beer drinker but a liqueur drinker. I am so happy I finally get another chance of pregnancy but because of passed MC's Im also cautiously scared. I'll post any updates due to #8 pregnancy so KMFX! YAY baby on the way,

For All Those who are just trying...

Af is gone for me so I start a new journey, Im just not gonna try anymore, it just so stressful tracking and counting days and making sure you dont do this or that, Im done. I wont be back till I suspect AF isnt coming for the month that way I have something to write about instead of waiting around. You girls are great and have been great supporters with not just me but everyone, tweaking and advise you girls gv alot of hope for the future. To those who have been trying for a long, long time.. I know you want a baby and I know how frustrated you are Ive only been tryin for 2 1/2 yrs but I knw some hv been longer, continue to hv hope and faith but stop making it your obsession, stressing over it isnt working and has soon as you enjoy life your miracle will probably happen. for those who hv help though doctors, do what you have to do then go have some fun, watch a good movie and put your mind in a different place, with those who see baby and baby news anywhere, Ive been in the office with babies everywhere and in bellies but mine was miscarrying at this same moment, best advise is well probably none, putting up a front is probably the only thing you can do, screaming and crying is allowed for a vent moment but if theres nothing you can do then dont dwell on it like I said before place your mind somewhere else, and for those who this may apply to, learn to accept that a person in your life is having a child and try your best to be happy for them cuz your gonna be seeing them alot. One of my last angel babies made it to 14 weeks and my SIL was pregnant to, a month behind but still at the same time as me, when I was burying my baby boy she was big and healthy with hers, he's a year old now and I love him, but knowing I could hv a son the same age as him will always be with me. This will probably have different reactions but it is your life you can do what you want it's just my own opinion on how I view things at this time. Good luck to everyone trying and having healthy pregnancies. Lots of baby dust to all.

Right on Time

Well AF came as scheduled on Friday, Even though I knew it was coming I still had that tiny hope that I was wrong. I have my first Dr. visit on Monday and I'm hoping to get something done wither it's removing fibroids or taking something to shrink them or a magic pill of something. I know Im not pregnant for a reason I can feel that but what I don't know is why not, what is it thats keeping me from having another baby in my life...Im wondering if there"s any truth to what my last doctor said about me taking a risk and I might die from some type of complication, I don't have any major health issues Im not allergic to anything Im a little anemic which brings up "if we have to gv u blood, r u ok with that" comes up but Im actually not a bleeder but they say if something hem merges.. well thats why Im seeing the DR on Monday to do something and not hoping I'll get lucky again. The day they told me my son was going to be delivered, the nurse took me to my room and hooked up the baby monitor around my tummy, she said" your very lucky to have became pregnant with him, its a miracle" I really didnt hv a reaction at the time but I also didnt realize how true that sentence was either. For now I'll just pray and maybe God will hear me.

Big FAIL!!

I took a morning test today att 11 DPO and it was a big fail, AF is coming this weekend and if not will be testing on Monday ok maybe Sunday... But I didn't feel pregnant this time around and I needed to knw if there was going be that infamous faint line or a BFN. So I got the BFN. I didn't weigh in Sunday cuz, I'm not very good at trying to lose weight if I'm not all in, I was trying to get pregnant, so I'll start today.... For sure... Now that I don't hv to worry about if baby is there or not, I knw it still mightn't be early or cld hv O'd late but let's face it I'm to on schedule to gv myself false hope. So don't worry about me,( not that anybody is) I'll just b exercising...

3 week mark

Yay its finally here, if im pregnant then I would be 3 weeks today. Another 1/2 week and I'll start testing till the 4 week mark which either means AF will come or I will be 1 month pregnant. I can't wait to know but at the same time I don't feel it either,I hv more of a feeling that it didn't go through and im not pregnant at all. I hv my appt set up and ready in case there is a problem then this will gv me a chance to work on it.

The DEED is Done!

Baby Dancing week is over! ok so the deed is done and hopefully something is now in progress, I can't wait to find out if there is a baby growing or not, if it's not the disappointment won't be hard, like I said before I'll just stop trying and let it happen, no more tracking, buying test, stressing, and thinking, "I'm I pregnant, Should I test again" it's too much work and energy, all im gonna do is talk to the genetic dr and find out whats going on. I was just telling a member of BC that I bet these MC happened bcuz of the fibroid s

I hv. They hv to find a good spot to implant and fight for blood supply, maybe if I get a BFN this month I'll ask him if it's a good idea for me to get them removed if possible to get a better pregnancy result. I'm not giving up I will hv a baby, I trust God to to lead me to a positive result eventually. So now a 2ww. well a week and a half, who r we kidding, I'll probably b testing early, lol. So my "good eating diet" did not go well this week, there was another bday party with brisket, cake, ice-cream, hotdogs, and I made cheese enchiladas yesterday so my weight is... Yea just as I thought I'm at 148, I think last week I was 146 so I gained 2 lbs, Ok so I'll just get back on track and try to eat better this week, hope I can get better self control, there cookies in the house and my SIL just brought in chocolate honey buns yesterday and I'll yelled at them," yur the enemy!" yes I was talking to pastry cuz there soo good and I knw if I hv one evil food will take over and I don't need that.

Having Hope

The big weekend is coming up, I'm so excited. All this BDing for a new life is great, I feel the love and hopefully my uterus does too. LOL. This is kinda stressful for DH so I decided that if this month does not succeed I will quit tryin and just let it happen. Tryin to conceive is definitely more stressful and when were not thinking about it, it does happen to have better results. MY insurance was approved today so now I can call the genetic doctors office to see if there is a problem I have to take care of.I know it's possible because my son is here but I have to find out what my chances are again because of my history and age. Age, wow, it's a lil hard to admit I'm older now and that it could be a possibility for my recent MC's. Im just hoping to be able to overwrite this inconvenience and give my husband the big family I know he and I desperately want. So planned or not it is a goal and there is a time limit so hopefully its one we can win together.

Set Back

Not only did I lose 9lbs, feels like I gained all of it plus more back right now, we had leftovers from the party &I didn't eat right at all today, I didn't hv breakfast, ate 2 chili hotdogs for lunch & had brisket,tortilla, beans & more chili,twice, ya, it was that bad.I feel so full. Oh & there is a worst part, I had cake. I am so nauseated just thinking about what I ate today & to see that it is definitely harder to lose than gain. The worst part is over & I'm planning to start over but I'm scared to weigh to see how much set back I am but I'm not weighing till Sunday so with that said, I'll start BD to burn off calories.

Week of dancing

Today is Sunday and I'm happy to report, It's BD week!!! Yay! At the end of this week "O" will be here so hopefully she gets fertilized and baby will be on it's way. KMFC!! I weigh myself today and lost 3 more lbs, so now is at 146. I hope I can continue I usually stop trying after I feel better about my weight, but I know it has to be a lifetyle change and not a temp. change. My weigh in will be every Sunday from now on. So yesterday was my baby D's 3rd B-day. My baby boy is growing up, I'm so proud of him, it looked like he had a good day, he was so excited to see all his spiderman stuff, he stayed up till 1am playing with he's toys.

Well today is a new day and best wishes to everyone TTC. Lots of BABYDUST!!

Ready for some love

ok so I weighed myself today and I went from 155 to 149. So yay me I lost 6lbs. To bad my son's b-day party is this weekend cause were serving not so healthy food, maybe I can practice self control and not pig out. So my baby dancing week is coming up and Im so excited, hopefully my DH won't notice what day THE DEED is suppose to be done so the pressure doesnt happen that night, so I won't say anything but as soon as next week is over the the 2ww starts and the baby dancing of course continues for good luck ;)So while I'm waiting I'll continue to hopefully eat healthy so I can start off at least at a better weight. So I'll post and let you know how the party goes.

Now just weight

So AF came last night. The pain is continuing but I popped the Midol and all is good. When I went to the doctors office for my vitals the nurse decided to add to my pain having me step on the scale... yea my weight is also an issue. Big surprise, Ok so I'll be giving out numbers. when I met my husband I was 120, 5 yrs later jumped to 125-130,another 6 yrs later started at 130,got pregnant, after baby 135. 2 yrs past jumped to 140 and now current yr last time i weighed myself I was 145, doctors office 155. Ok this weight is moving up fats,I mean fast. So I decided Im going to start exercise and try to eat better of course. My end goal to be at 130 again. that means losing 25lbs, question is in how long till I get pregnant, well if I can keep this up then it's a good thing cause then I can continue to stay fit while pregnant, and if I succeed then of course losing weight will be paused but staying fit will be a challenge. I refuse to gain any more weight, Im only 5'1-5'2 so there's no reason to not be able to do this, wish me luck, I start tomorrow.

A New Start

I went to the clinic today, and they confirmed there was a pregnancy but it just didn't progress. I also started spotting which mean AF is about to stop by. Im making an appt to apply for insurance so I can hopefully see a geneticist. Hopefully I can find out why I've had 9 pregnancies and 6 MC. Im upset but I'm over it, Im gonna continue to try till I find answers or why baby won't grow, Im scared to hear I'll probably never give birth again but hopefully my problem can be fixed. When AF comes it will be day 1 and a new start to a new beginning.

AAAAHHHHHH!!!!!

Ugggghhhhhh!!!!NO!No!NO! Not Again! Please Lord Why Again!! I am so disappointed. i went frm having a barely there positive to a faint positive back to a almost not there positive. NEGATIVE, that's what the doctor said Negative, i said no that's not right i had a pretty good almost positive test, how could it be back to negative?? i had to see for myself, but there it was...no darker line it actually faded back negative. I just cried. Why can't I just have a successful pregnancy? Why is it so hard? I don't just want a baby. I want my own. Is it too much to ask for cause I have kids already?! I don't care, I don't care that I have kids or have a 2yr old, I may sound selfish or greedy for more but why can our grandparents have 11 to 18 kids and some of us cant even have ONE! Im 35, I dont have that much longer and im not giving up! Im having a baby again and I'm gonna keep trying till menopause comes along!!

Today was better...

Today i tried not to stress, last night I was experiencing bad cramps and all I keep thinking was MC,MC,MC. I tried not to let it bother me so I got as comfortable as I could, prayed and finally fell asleep. Not having an idea that your pregnant and knowing your pregnant makes me act different and see and feel things only a over dramatic pregnant woman would feel. With my son i never thought about it so I found out when I was 6 weeks when I realize AF didn't come the past month, I remember thinking,"ok well I should start this week" then the end of the week I grab protection just n case AF came while at the movies, the next week i saw it in my purse and thought "was I wrong" i went to my calender and my eyes got big, then it was umm..ok then i guess I'll go check. One of the longest and happiest moments when the nurse said ok, well your pregnant. If only all my pregnancies could go as smoothly as my son's pregnancy. Now I know I am and I can't be happy just yet, Im more cautious. i look at my tummy and I swear I see a bump but then I think no I've always looked like that, lol. It feels almost heaver, but probably just bloated. I can feel it already, Im excited inside but nervous, I can't talk to DH about it because I'm to emotional for him and he's like "well your setting yourself up for disappointment bcuz if this baby doesn't make it you'll b acting as if you just lost an unborn full term baby". But that's what it sort of feels like I'm not upset for what he thinks I'm upset because this was a human life forming and not just any human, my baby, our baby, his heart was beating, organs were forming, hair,nails, eyes.. a tiny little part of us was there... and then poof no more beating heart, no more growing, no more life, its very heartbreaking. So I know what to expect it's just hard to go through, but the only good news I have to look forward to is if this baby does make, It was worth going through it even though I didn't know if the day would ever come that we met under expected delivery time.

Hopeful

So about 9:30pm took last test and i still see a faint line but this time I don't have to strain my eyes to much. It seems like im pregnant but can't get excited because this is not my beginning of pregnancy..it's more of a still TTC part. I've had 4MC's and the last one made it to 14 weeks then stopped growing, it will be very hard not to get attached to the idea that this pregnancy might make it because of my disappointing past, I'm an emotional person and it breaks my heart not being able to carry baby to term but since I've done it before I am still willing to try, i have a longer waiting time than others to really be happy but i won't be till all check ups go well and baby is safely out at good time and weight, that will be my goal.

1St and 2nd Test

These test were taken on Feb 18 & 20 and today is the 21st and my AF is due today. I have 1 test left and I'm debating whether or not to take it just cuz i could get my answer if i just wait. Do I feel pregnant? YES. I'm I just experiencing symptoms because I want to be pregnant? Maybe But its just not fair when your trying it seems so much more harder. I'll wait for now but testing tonite is not ruled out just yet if AF stays away as it should.