Lisa's Diet Days

LilySlim Diet days tickers

Saturday, February 25, 2012

Now just weight

So AF came last night. The pain is continuing but I popped the Midol and all is good. When I went to the doctors office for my vitals the nurse decided to add to my pain having me step on the scale... yea my weight is also an issue. Big surprise, Ok so I'll be giving out numbers. when I met my husband I was 120, 5 yrs later jumped to 125-130,another 6 yrs later started at 130,got pregnant, after baby 135. 2 yrs past jumped to 140 and now current yr last time i weighed myself I was 145, doctors office 155. Ok this weight is moving up fats,I mean fast. So I decided Im going to start exercise and try to eat better of course. My end goal to be at 130 again. that means losing 25lbs, question is in how long till I get pregnant, well if I can keep this up then it's a good thing cause then I can continue to stay fit while pregnant, and if I succeed then of course losing weight will be paused but staying fit will be a challenge. I refuse to gain any more weight, Im only 5'1-5'2 so there's no reason to not be able to do this, wish me luck, I start tomorrow.

Friday, February 24, 2012

A New Start

I went to the clinic today, and they confirmed there was a pregnancy but it just didn't progress. I also started spotting which mean AF is about to stop by. Im making an appt to apply for insurance so I can hopefully see a geneticist. Hopefully I can find out why I've had 9 pregnancies and 6 MC. Im upset but I'm over it, Im gonna continue to try till I find answers or why baby won't grow, Im scared to hear I'll probably never give birth again but hopefully my problem can be fixed. When AF comes it will be day 1 and a new start to a new beginning.

Thursday, February 23, 2012

AAAAHHHHHH!!!!!

Ugggghhhhhh!!!!NO!No!NO! Not Again! Please Lord Why Again!! I am so disappointed. i went frm having a barely there positive to a faint positive back to a almost not there positive. NEGATIVE, that's what the doctor said Negative, i said no that's not right i had a pretty good almost positive test, how could it be back to negative?? i had to see for myself, but there it was...no darker line it actually faded back negative. I just cried. Why can't I just have a successful pregnancy? Why is it so hard? I don't just want a baby. I want my own. Is it too much to ask for cause I have kids already?! I don't care, I don't care that I have kids or have a 2yr old, I may sound selfish or greedy for more but why can our grandparents have 11 to 18 kids and some of us cant even have ONE! Im 35, I dont have that much longer and im not giving up! Im having a baby again and I'm gonna keep trying till menopause comes along!!

Wednesday, February 22, 2012

Today was better...

Today i tried not to stress, last night I was experiencing bad cramps and all I keep thinking was MC,MC,MC. I tried not to let it bother me so I got as comfortable as I could, prayed and finally fell asleep. Not having an idea that your pregnant and knowing your pregnant makes me act different and see and feel things only a over dramatic pregnant woman would feel. With my son i never thought about it so I found out when I was 6 weeks when I realize AF didn't come the past month, I remember thinking,"ok well I should start this week" then the end of the week I grab protection just n case AF came while at the movies, the next week i saw it in my purse and thought "was I wrong" i went to my calender and my eyes got big, then it was umm..ok then i guess I'll go check. One of the longest and happiest moments when the nurse said ok, well your pregnant. If only all my pregnancies could go as smoothly as my son's pregnancy. Now I know I am and I can't be happy just yet, Im more cautious. i look at my tummy and I swear I see a bump but then I think no I've always looked like that, lol. It feels almost heaver, but probably just bloated. I can feel it already, Im excited inside but nervous, I can't talk to DH about it because I'm to emotional for him and he's like "well your setting yourself up for disappointment bcuz if this baby doesn't make it you'll b acting as if you just lost an unborn full term baby". But that's what it sort of feels like I'm not upset for what he thinks I'm upset because this was a human life forming and not just any human, my baby, our baby, his heart was beating, organs were forming, hair,nails, eyes.. a tiny little part of us was there... and then poof no more beating heart, no more growing, no more life, its very heartbreaking. So I know what to expect it's just hard to go through, but the only good news I have to look forward to is if this baby does make, It was worth going through it even though I didn't know if the day would ever come that we met under expected delivery time.

Tuesday, February 21, 2012

Hopeful


So about 9:30pm took last test and i still see a faint line but this time I don't have to strain my eyes to much. It seems like im pregnant but can't get excited because this is not my beginning of pregnancy..it's more of a still TTC part. I've had 4MC's and the last one made it to 14 weeks then stopped growing, it will be very hard not to get attached to the idea that this pregnancy might make it because of my disappointing past, I'm an emotional person and it breaks my heart not being able to carry baby to term but since I've done it before I am still willing to try, i have a longer waiting time than others to really be happy but i won't be till all check ups go well and baby is safely out at good time and weight, that will be my goal.

1St and 2nd Test